I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
