I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
