now i know why i became what i already was.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
