and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
