Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
