I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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