we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
