If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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