i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
