seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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