the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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