I bet he comes in French.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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