She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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