Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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