You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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