Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
