I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
