My cat gives me a boner
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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