i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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