careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
