I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
