when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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