Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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