He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Rumble strips road head = magical
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
