he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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