just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
