I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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