yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
