The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
