A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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