dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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