He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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