apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
