We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
