I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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