Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
