why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
