How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
foreskin is a definite game changer
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
