watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
