He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
