Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
