woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
