:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
