I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
