you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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