I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
