I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
