my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
