So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
