It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
